A mine, a pressure pot, & a hash-slinger.

It was one of those times where I was having a seriously bad hair day. I looked all around the mine for a mirror. Wait a minute, I’m in a mine?! How the heck did I get into a mine?
Never mind that now - must fix hair. I searched behind rocks, under bats’ Guano*, & in the corners.  I even tried to dig for water, not to quench my thirst, but to check out my reflection. I did not find water; of all things reflective, I found a dust ridden worn out pressure pot. So, as I was wiping it with my shirt to make it clearer, out of the steam vent came a grotesque & gigantic woman!

“You have set me free, what would you like me to cook for thee?” The grotesque gigantic woman asked.

“I’m not hungry” I replied
“Oh, how literal. I did not mean an actual meal; what wish would you like me to grant you?” She explained.
“So you’re a genie?” I asked
“No, I am a hash-slinger*; Genies are those awful things that come in lamps. We do have the same powers – the naming differs based on apparatus”, She elaborated.
“You’re gonna grant me any 3 wishes I want?” I excitedly probed

“Not any 3 wishes, and in fact I will only grant you one wish” the hash-slinger answered.

“Why?” I interjected.
“No reason. I just feel like it; & please do not waste my time wishing for more wishes.”
Unfazed I ordered, “I wish to have ten billion dollars”

 

billionaire with bad hair do

 

“Sorry, I do not do money” the hash-slinger announced with indifference.

“What do you mean you don’t do money? What kind of Genie are you?”
“I told you I am not a genie; I am a hash-slinger. Come on, pick it up will you, I have other things to do” she retorted.
“I wish that Emma Stone falls madly in love with me” I commanded.
“who?” She wondered
“The cute & clever country girl with the caped crusader voice” I responded.

“Okay. Are you sure?” She asked

“Heck, yeah” I proclaimed.
“Psyche. I do not do love either” she stated.
“Hey, you’re starting to piss me off” I angrily told her
“And?” The hash-slinger investigated all the while growing in stature.
“And… nothing. Moving on.” I pronounced with a shaken voice. “I wish that I am a sex-god. You know - a well hung, Energizer bunny sort of deal?”

this is the viewer friendly bottom-censored pic of a well-hung EB

 



The hash-slinger threw a sarcastic look at me; frustrated, I inquired “oh, come on; you don’t do money, you don’t do love, you don’t do sex; is there a rule you go by, I should know of?”

“A hash-slinger can only grant you what you yourself can get without a hash-slinger.” she clarified.
“Wow. Deep. What the heck’s that supposed to mean?”
Silence.
After much thought, I deduced there is nothing else worth wishing for; especially, since world peace and a hunger-free ignorance-free world were out of the question - they were my 6^th & 7^th choices by the way. Resolved, and remembering my hair do, I asked the hash-slinger for a mirror. As I brought the mirror closer to my eyes, the horror that was my ‘do’ was so shocking that I awoke.

 

 

 P.S.: if in the above story a woman was there instead of a man, here are the minor differences: She would have not noticed the genie (hash-slinger) and continued rubbing to see how bad her hair looks. After a debate with the hash-slinger about who is the prettier one, the girl would’ve asked for a husband with ten billion dollars – it’s so much nicer to take money from someone than to actually have it yourself. When she finds out that she can’t wish for more wishes, she simply wishes for more genies! She then pits them jealously against each other so that they break the ‘genie wishing rule’ & grant her anything just to please her! Women - If only they ruled the world.

*guano: bat poop

*Hash-slinger: in older terms, she was a servant/cook with a bad attitude towards customers.